Guilt
by Michael J. O'Malley
Summary: AU- In which Nico never forgave Percy, Percy fell in love with Nico, and the guilt just became too much. Warning: May be triggering. Rated M for suicidal themes. One-sided Nicercy
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, nor will I ever. *cries***

**-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**Percy's POV**

'Nico hates me . . . doesn't he?' I thought, sitting in my dark cabin. 'I'm sorry . . .' Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the death I caused, all of the carnage and pain and heartbreak I caused by just being there.

"I didn't mean to," I whispered to myself, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face in my knees as I leaned back against my cabin door. Someone like me didn't deserve a bed, or comfort, or light, or anything. I didn't deserve to live.

"I'm sorry Nico. I'm sorry I killed Bianca, and I'm sorry I made you hurt, and I'm sorry I fell in love with you . . ." I kept whispering, apologizing, begging them to forgive me.

But no answer came, no comforting words or warm embraces. I didn't deserve that much anyway. It had been days since I'd come out of my cabin, and no one had come to get me or ask if I was okay. Not that I could blame them. Who would care about a piece of traitorous trash like me that caused so many people to suffer?

'No one,' I thought, answering the question. Sobs soon came with my apologies and begs. I tried to block out the pain of being hated, of not being wanted, but I couldn't. And the one thing that hurt the worst was the guilt.

I caused Nico to lose Bianca. I caused Silena to lose Beckendorf. I caused Luke's death. I caused my own mother's death in an accident with my powers. The guilt was consuming me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the guilt or the hate or the pain. It was just too much. My sobs turned silent as my shoulders shook and I took Riptide out. I uncapped the sword and flinched at the faint glow that the Celestial Bronze let off.

I pushed my knees down so that they were only bent at a sixty degree angle and aimed the sword for my stomach. I pushed it slowly against my torso, letting the sharp blade cut through my orange shirt and scratch my stomach.

Tears were now silently streaming down my face. Then, in one swift motion, I plunged Riptide through myself so hard that the tip could be seen coming out of my back. I held back a cry of pain.

I only sat there silently, letting myself bleed out slowly and painfully, undeserving of a quick and painless death. Soon enough I could feel the darkness creeping up, taking my consciousness with it. I could faintly hear pounding against the door I was sitting against, and cries of my name, but I ignored them and let the darkness finally take me away into a sea of peace.

I could only hope, now, that Hades would have mercy on me and let me drift forever. But why would anyone show an act of mercy to someone as horrible as me?


	2. Chapter One

**So, due to some requests to continue this supposed to be one-shot, I'm doing it with some help from my friend Nicercylover108. They've been helpful in getting the plot down, so thanks to you for that. And now, though this may not turn out well, here is chapter one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**

**-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**Nico's POV**

I wasn't sure when I started feeling uneasy, but I think it began around dawn. I'd been eating dinner alone at the Hades table, and I noticed that Percy wasn't sitting at his Poseidon table. This didn't particularly bother me. Rather, I had a sense of satisfaction because I didn't have to see the person who caused my sister to die.

But it was a little bit strange how the sea prince hadn't come out of his cabin once since he'd gotten back from his mom's funeral four days before. It wasn't really that I was worried, but rather I was confused. That was so unlike Percy. I shook the feeling off and picked at my food, not really hungry.

I wouldn't have even been there if Annabeth hadn't forced me to stay for the day. She practically had to drag me to dinner. As much as I hated eating at camp, I knew that it would be worse if I skipped out and had to face Annabeth's wrath.

Dinner ended about twenty minutes after I gave up on picking at my food, and the campfire started. I skipped out on that though, and I thanked the gods when Annabeth didn't come after me. After all, she knew how much I hated it.

It just wasn't my scene. I was walking along the beach, listening to the sound the waves made when they hit the sand and letting that calm me. As much as I hated Percy, I loved the sea. It made me feel content, unlike everything else that surrounded me.

I felt that unease in the pit of my stomach again, dulling the content that I had just felt. The sea suddenly became violent, the wind picking up and the waves hitting the sand with much force. I immediately knew something was wrong.

Cursing silently to myself, I ran towards the campfire and found Annabeth. I pulled her away, ignoring the looks I got, and said, "I think something's wrong with Percy. The ocean was really calm one moment and the next it was like a hurricane." We noticed the wind picking up around us, whipping at our clothes and hair.

Annabeth and I shared alarmed looks then went to tell Chiron what was happening. At the campfire, all of the campers were panicking as the fire was blown around by the wind. Annabeth and I found Chiron trying to calm the campers down while putting the fire in his tail out at the same time.

The fire and campers were soon forgotten about as Annabeth, Chiron, and I made our way to Percy's cabin. I could smell the irony scent of blood, and could see some leaking from beneath the door. My eyes widened at the sight of it.

"What the hell?!" Annabeth gasped. She and Chiron started pounding on the door, yelling his name, while I just stood there in shock. When Chiron finally knocked the door down, we could see Percy lying on his side by the door, Riptide driven through his stomach and a pool of blood beneath him and leading towards the door.

Annabeth started crying, holding back her sobs as she stared at Percy. She rushed to his side and checked for a pulse, but I already knew there was none to be found. I could feel his soul being ferried to the Underworld, where he would be judged.

I put a hand on Annabeth's shoulder and shook my head. I had to wonder, did Percy do this to himself or did someone do it to him?

From the way it looked, it had to be suicide. There was no other way. I glanced around his dark room, looking for something that might tell us _why _he would do this. Then I noticed a journal on his desk next to his bed. I went over and picked it up, opening it to the last entry he made.

_I'm sorry. It's all my fault that all those people died. It's all my fault that everyone is in so much pain. I could've stopped all of them if only I had been stronger. But I wasn't. And I'm still not. I'm just weak. No matter how hard I try, I'm just a failure to everyone around me. Especially Nico. It was my fault that his sister died. It was my fault that he's so unhappy now. It still is too. I should've stopped her. I'm sorry for hurting everyone. I'm sorry for being a failure. I'm sorry for making Nico hate me. I'm sorry for killing Bianca. I'm sorry for falling in love with him. I should've just died when I had the chance. Then maybe everyone would be better off. Happier. But it's too late for that. All I can do now is die and hope that everyone is happier without me. And if not, that's just more pain in those that I care about that I'm responsible for._

I was in shock. Did Percy really feel this way? Was this how he felt all these years? When he was smiling and laughing and having fun, did he really feel this way? I didn't know why I was so shocked, but I know that my heart clenched painfully at those written words that held so much feeling.

Guilt. That was what I was feeling. I know why I felt guilty. Because it was partially my fault that Percy did this. My eyes widened even further when I realized that every time Percy had tried to get close to me or talk to me, he was being sincere. I hadn't realized that before. Maybe he genuinely wanted to be my friend?

I shook my head, realizing just how slow I had been. I hid the journal, knowing that Percy wouldn't want Annabeth and Chiron to know how he felt for so long. At the time, I really wasn't sure why I was being so considerate of a dead person's feelings, but I figured out later what that was.

I kept the journal with me, wondering what else Percy had written in it. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard varying reactions to Percy. Some people gasped, others started crying, some just looked on in shock, and others looked sad but shed no tears.

By their reactions I could tell which ones Percy was closer to. I quickly shadow travelled out, uncomfortable around so many people, and especially his dead body. I still wasn't sure how to react to the fact that Percy had killed himself.

Or perhaps I wouldn't react at all. Perhaps my hate for the son of Poseidon ran so deep that I just didn't care. Or perhaps I was just in shock without realizing it.

**-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**There's the continuation of what I'm now going to call the prologue. I think the end of this was a bit abrupt, but it'll have to do. Thanks again to Nicercylover108 for their great help. **

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM! Until next time . . .**

**~O'Malley**


	3. Chapter Two

**Here goes chapter three. I hope it goes well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**

**-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**Percy's POV**

I was finally there. I was being judged. I took a deep breath as they deliberated and decided where I belonged. Finally the one in the middle said, "You may either continue on to Elysium, or you may be reborn. It is your choice."

I thought about it. I thought about all of the pain and suffering and death I'd caused, and knew that I wouldn't be able to atone for that in Elysium. It would only bring me more misery to go there and see all of the people I doomed. And it was then that I decided. "I want to be reborn," I said, looking each of them in the eye.

All of them seemed shocked at my boldness, but quickly shook it off. "Is there anyone currently in Elysium you would like to see before you are gone?" I thought for a couple of minutes. I only shook my head and motioned for them to get on with it. I didn't need to see them, for if I did I would never be able to go through with what was about to happen.

Before anything else could be said or done, I was surrounded by darkness. It wrapped around me like a blanket, warm and comforting, and then there was nothing.

**-PJO—PJO—PJO- Three Years Later -PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**Nico's POV**

I sat up in bed with a gasp, panting and in a cold sweat. I thought back to my dream while trying to calm my racing heart. Percy would never have gone for being reborn, would he? But in that moment that I was in his head, I knew he would. He wanted to atone for what he'd done, so he chose to be reborn. I buried my face in my hands, rubbing the image of those cold, masked judges out of my mind.

I sat up and got out of bed, grabbing some clothes and pulling them on. As I strapped my Stygian iron sword to my waist, I heard the conch horn blow, signaling a new camper arriving. I bolted out of my cabin and through the camp, easily outrunning the others who were rushing in the direction of the camp borders.

I slowed down to a jog, then to a walk, as I approached the pine tree. Finally, I caught a glimpse of the new camper. I was frozen in shock when I saw him killing monster after monster—who seemed to have been chasing him. He was even more skilled than Percy, and he'd been the most skilled swordsman in three hundred years.

Before I took a good look at him, I decided to help defeat all of the monsters attacking. I pulled my sword out and hacked away at monster after monster, summoning some of the dead from the ground. Soon all of the monsters were gone and the only sound that could be heard on the hill was the heavy breathing of the new camper.

The other campers that had been rushing to come help the new guy were standing there in a hushed silence, awed at his skill with the sword. I turned to him and put a hand out, albeit somewhat reluctantly. "Hi, I'm Nico," I said, finally taking in the teen's features.

Rather than being a teen, he looked more around twenty or so. Then what was he doing here? And how had he survived so long if he was a demigod? The teen had raven black hair that faded to aqua blue at the tips, which brushed his shoulders. He was lean and tall, lithe muscles obvious on his exposed arms. His skin was lightly tanned and his eyes were a piercing pale green color.

His facial features were somewhat feminine, as was his body structure, but it seemed to fit him. I would never say this aloud, but he was beautiful. The ratty black t-shirt and ripped blue jeans didn't take away from his looks at all.

He gripped my hand firmly. "Hey, Nico. I'm Maddox, but you can just call me Max." He retracted his grip, looking slightly relieved. "Chiron called me here to help with your training. May I speak with him?"

I was shocked to realize that Chiron had called this guy here. I saw a glint in the corner of my eye, and turned my head to see the most elegant sword I'd ever seen. The material it was made out of glinted silver, yet wasn't metal. It was more like a crystal. The designs on the sword were flowing and swirly, yet gave it the impression of being ice.

Before I could say anything about it, however, the sword glowed and disappeared, and a plain silver bracelet appeared on his wrist. If you looked close enough you could make out strange symbols over the chain. Max brought my attention from his bracelet when he asked, "Can you take me to Chiron? We have some things we need to discuss."

I nodded and motioned for him to follow me. As we walked to the Big House, I asked, "So who trained you? You had some real skill, even better than Percy."

Max stiffened almost unnoticeably. "I'd really rather not talk about that, if you don't mind."

"No, it's alright. I understand. Everyone has their secrets," I said, trying for a reassuring smile. I knew I failed though.

Max chuckled. "I'm glad you understand. Some people get offended by that."

I didn't respond, as we had finally reached the Big House. I led him inside where Chiron seemed to be waiting for us, despite not knowing who it was that arrived.

"Thank you, Nico, for taking Maddox here. May we have some privacy?" Chiron asked. I nodded and left. Or they thought I had. I stood next to the door, listening in to the conversation. I knew it wasn't right, eavesdropping, but I needed to know who the mysterious man was. Somehow it felt like I'd met him before, but I didn't know how or when.

I brought my attention back to the pair when Max started talking. "It's nice to see you again, Chiron. It's been a while."

"It has, Maddox, or Max as you go by these days," Chiron responded. "How've you been these days?" '_How long have they known each other?' _I wondered.

"I know it's been awhile, but I'd really prefer to get right to business," Max said, and I could hear the apologetic smile in his voice. "You wanted me to be the new instructor for sword fighting, yeah?"

"Of course," Chiron said. "You're the best swordsman that we've ever encountered, Greek or Roman. Who _wouldn't _want you to teach sword fighting?"

Max laughed. "I wouldn't. I'm just a fool who's good at swinging a sword around. I don't see why you even want to associate with me." I frowned.

"You're known by the gods, even the primordials. You're more fit for this job than anyone else," Chiron said. I stood there stunned at the thought of even the primordial gods knowing about Max.

Another laugh from Max, this time darker. "There's a reason I'm well-known. And it's not good. You may not know why, but ask the gods and they may tell you, if they see fit that is. Seeing as I'm going to be living here, the gods should explain it to you. I won't though. It would bring up too many bad memories."

"Well," Chiron said, sounding slightly uneasy, "I'll let you get settled in. You wouldn't mind staying in the Poseidon cabin would you? It seems fitting."

"Not at all," Max said. I heard the rustling of fabric and muted footsteps. I chose this moment to leave, melting into the shadows and appearing in the Hades cabin.

'_Just who is Max?' _I thought, wondering just what could've happened to make a demigod known even by the primordial gods.

**-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

**And there's chapter three! Hope you enjoyed! Bye-bye! Until next time . . .**

**~O'Malley out!**


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